Accursed
by neesah
Summary: How would the Perfect Soldier deal with the pain of loss and betrayal?


Accursed   
  
**Disclaimer: ** Nope. Gundam Wing isn't mine. I really hope that it is though.   
  
**A. N. ** This is the first time I wrote angst. I hope that I dont suck on it. For comments, suggestions, flames or reviews, you can email me at raizenheero@aol.com.   
  
ENJOY.  
  
  
  


**ACCURSED**   
by Neesah 

  
  
  
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He stood in the shadows, waiting, his cold blue eyes focused on the massive structure ahead of him. He could hear no noise inside, only the soft voice of the priest administering the solemn ceremony. Nothing could be seen in his face, no emotion seemed to be present there. He remained there, like a statue, impassive, unmoving, as he patiently continued his silent vigil.

His trance-like gaze was interrupted when he saw a white limo pull over. As if on cue, two figures emerged from the church, followed by a steady stream of people. His face softened when his gaze settled on the golden-haired bride tossing the bouquet. She was beautiful. Remarkably, breathtakingly beautiful. Without doubt, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. The soft expression on his face vanished just as quickly as it appeared, regaining its hardness, as he watched the groom with the long braid kissed her one last time in front of the happy, cheering crowd before going inside the limo. He turned and started walking away. 

All of a sudden, an explosion was heard. Everybody gasped, horrified. The limo where Relena and Duo were exploded into flames! Even with all the commotion, he continued walking, never looking back even once. People passing by started giving him odd glances as he smiled, then chuckled, then laughed uncontrollably, almost maniacally. But he never paid any attention to them or to his immediate surroundings. He was trapped in his own world, being entertained by some private joke that was causing him to laugh that way.

He finally reached the motel he was staying in and entered his room. As soon as he closed the door, he unceremoniously dropped to his knees. His laughter had now dissolved into hysterics, hot searing tears fell unbidden on his face and dropped on the floor. His grip finally loosened on the thing he had been holding all day. A soft 'thud' was heard as a cylindrical metallic device fell on the floor --- a detonation switch.

Heero shot up in a sitting position, his whole body covered in cold sweat. His eyes roamed around the darkened room, taking in his surroundings, looking for something that will anchor him to this reality. That dream had been haunting him everynight and he hadn't gotten any decent sleep for the last three weeks because of it. _It has to stop,_ he said to himself. _But what is it trying to tell me? Why am I reliving it over and over again? Maybe… _ He stood up, went to the refrigerator and got himself a beer. He stood near the window, drinking his beer, waiting for the sun to come up. He had made an important decision.

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He walked steadily, his strides purposeful. His feet trampled on the newly cut grass, making crunching noises as he neared his destination. These little crunching noises somehow comforted him. But not enough. He then stopped. He remained standing there for a while, staring intently in front of him. The sun bathed him with its light, casting a shadow across his face. His face was, as usual, blank, mirroring the void in his soul. He had won, hadn't he? He had defeated his enemy. But why did it feel like he had lost? That he had lost everything? Why did it feel like that he was the one who was defeated?_ Maybe because I am._

"I thought you love me. I thought you'll always love me," he started saying in his monotonous voice. "But you betrayed me. My own bestfriend betrayed me. You both betrayed me!" he yelled at the two tombstones in front of him, his eyes blazing with anger, pain and sorrow. He dropped to the ground, beaten, tired. "Why? Why did you betray me? Didn't you know that you were the two most important people in the world to me? How can you do this to me?" he asked bitterly. "You could have just killed me. I can tolerate death, I'll welcome death anytime. It'll be better than this! It'll be better than having you betray me!" He bowed his head and his silent tears started to fall on the grass covered earth. 

He looked up in the sky, face still streaked with tears. There was something about his appearance that would make anyone see him shudder. He was crying, but his face held no emotion, like a statue that somehow, in some sort of miracle, had managed to produce tears. Though his eyes were a different matter all together. Mixed emotions were swirling in their very depths, blazing with fiery intensity. Anybody who had the guts to stare at them will surely be burned. "I'm accursed," he said to no one in particular. "I damned myself in destroying the only reason I am alive."

He slowly stood up and stared at the two tombstones once more. He smiled sadly. "I tried my hardest to separate you. But after everything I've done you're still together. Maybe you do belong together. At the end, you've won. And I lost. I lost you both. I lost everything." He moved closer to Relena's tombstone. He gently traced her name with his fingers. "I'm so tired, Relena. Without either of you two, I feel so lost, so alone. There's no more reason for me to live." 

He took out the gun tucked in his waist and pointed it in his head. "Now I'll be free."

A gunshot echoed across the cemetery as an empty shell of a man he once was slumped on the ground, his blood slowly seeping through the ground. His death promised no redemption or solace. Nor would it lead him to be reunited with them. It only held escape. An escape from consciousness, from forever knowing what he had done, from living a meanigless existence. May his turmoiled soul rest in peace. 


End file.
